Hedwig: My sex change operation got botched; my guardian angel fell asleep on the watch; now all I got is a Barbie doll crotch; I've got an angry inch!
Hedwig: I had tried singing once and they threw tomatoes so after the show I had a nice salad.
Hedwig: After my divorce from Luther I scraped by with baby-sitting gigs and odd jobs - mostly the jobs we call blow.
Hedwig: That song was by a young mister Kurt Cobain - now that kid's got a future!
Tommy: Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour? Hedwig: No, but I love his work.
Hedwig: Ladies and gentlemen, do you like the pelt? Be honest, because some bitch stopped me on the way in. "What poor and unfortunate creature had to die for you to wear that?" [pause] My Aunt Trudy, I replied. Walked away ladies and gentlemen, walked away!
Hansel: Luther is silent for a moment, as he stares at my little bishop in a turtleneck.
Yitzhak: Fuck you, I'm going to Guam!
Phyllis: I don't think it's going to help our lawsuit if you continue to st... if you present the appearance of stalking him.
Hedwig: Yeah, you know I don't like that word.
Phyllis: I could have your job! Where's my fucking broach?
Hedwig: How many times do I have to tell you? You don't put a bra in a dryer! It warps!
Hedwig: How did some slip of a girly boy from communist East Berlin become the internationally ignored song stylist barely standing before you?
Hedwig: Don't you know me Kansas City? I'm the new Berlin Wall. Try and tear me down!
Hedwig: When it comes to huge openings, a lot of people think of me.
Hedwig: When I think of all the people I've come upon in my travels, I have to think of the people who have come upon me.
Tommy: What is that? Hedwig: It's what I have to work with.
Hedwig: It was a trail of rainbow carnage!
Hedwig: I got kicked out of university after delivering a brilliant lecture on the aggressive influence of German philosophy on rock and roll entitled "You, Kant, Always Get What You Want".
Hedwig: To be free, one must give up a part of oneself.